Artist Confessions
A place for artists and art appreciators! Share your woes, triumphs, obsessions and aggressions.

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xX BLACKLIST Xx

I actually get mixed feelings when people ask me to draw for them

I used to say “i hate it when my group mates always depend on me when it comes to drawing” well nope

Im actually fine with it, and i actually feel happy about it! I mean, They trust me and they recognize my hobby. It’s not a pain in the butt but it feels sweet! Im touched! During activities like that i feel 50% happy and 50% nervous because what if i couldnt meet everyone’s expectations and i might as well end up ruining everything and i dont remember feeling that it’s a pain! I was moved when my classmate said “Thank god you’re here in our group!!”♥

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Communication troubles

It’s really irritating when you’re working on a commission and have had decent communication until nearly the end. Then the person vanishes off the face of the earth and never responses to that last email you send with the finished commission. It makes me question if maybe I did something wrong, or perhaps the email didn’t send correctly. 

Speaking of emails. It makes me feel like such a crappy artist when someone commissions me, but then never emails me back after the first email that holds the basic info or the start of a sketch. What if I read the email wrong? Did it get written down wrong?

The last thing I want is for someone to think I stole money from them while at a convention.

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Art by me!

Soooo, where do I start? I was thirteen when I started drawing. From my favorite cartoons to trying to do stubby hands, I drew…a LOT. Admittedly I started out tracing from Christopher Hart books thinking I could draw mangas and be a “popular comic artist with the best comics”, but then two years later, I stopped tracing and started actually drawing on deviantART. That’s when I realized I got a long way to go before I can be “the best.” When I started out on deviantART, I started out drawing with crayola pencils and ballpoint pens (sometimes I would buy prismacolor colors or receive colored pencils as gifts from people).Once I turned sixteen, I got a tablet, but I have to be honest, I used to color Mary Sue OC’s over bases with MS Paint (I eventually deleted every single base pic because I got older and too embarrassed to even remember ^^; ). Around seventeen or eighteen, I began to experiment with Corel Painter and Photoshop just so I can get across digital art.

However, once I got a new computer for my nineteenth birthday, I was shocked to find the Corel Painter CD doesn’t work on my new computer, and Photoshop was hard to come by. The only app I could work with around the time was SketchBook. The first thing I did with Sketchbook was draw like I always have, of course I wasn’t exactly pleased with the outcome at first, but I just didn’t give up. As the months went by I still used Sketchbook to draw and later got accustomed to using it; using more tools to work around and even drawing on the screen! Few more months later and I started using GIMP alongside to tweak my drawings to look prettier! Around New Years I wanted to try something different, So I used the paint tools instead to draw the lineless style I liked so much. Once I saved up enough money to by an iPad, an artist friend recommended me to get Procreate, and so I did. Ever since then, I use Procreate like crazy for my art. Even though I’m quite content with it, I don’t want to depend on one drawing app alone, I still want to try other things!

The other day at work, one of my co-workers asked me this; “Do you consider yourself a great artist?” I answered “I still got a long way to go.”

Using what I learned from my past, I became happier to be frank. I look for other styles to draw, other ways to improve and I just draw because I want to, just to make me happy. Now I’m twenty, in college, working at a part time job at Disney World to make ends meet, and I’m using what I learned to spew advice on AC comments and helping younger artists on deviantART improve and yet I’m learning more things with my art. Yeah, life is good!

(I’m so sorry if this turned into a big fat cheesy ramble ^^;)

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Just a warning: this confession will be all over the place. I am sorry. I just want to rant a bit. I don’t find the quote above offensive really; the person was actually pretty cool when I declined. But I hear much more abrasive variations of this tons of times from some real jerks, so I thought to use it as an example. Luckily, this person did not turn out that way. Phew. But for the others, do people actually think this will work on someone? Really though? The old real estate trick where “I’ve got three other couples just dying to buy this house, so you’d better snap it up quick!”

I suppose my real confession is along the lines of: I am tired of people trying to use pressure and deception to get art out of me or anyone else, but especially me.

If your project is in such high demand that other artists are just begging you to throw you their art, and you could pick any of them at any time, then why have you been pestering me for 6 days? Moreover, if it’s that great, you should probably have at least some budget for actually paying people for the art that you want instead of the old “exposure” and “royalties” IOUs.

I’ve got another one trying to goad me into extra, non-paid work on their commission with sob stories and the like. (My old artist did this, my old artist did that, my old artist loved my story so much she would beg me to draw things for free) She has literally tried to make me read every chapter, and I come up at a loss for how to politely decline. I have a life!

I understand some people get really excited about their stories, but I can see a clear difference between someone who just can’t turn the faucet off (I just listen patiently) and someone who is trying to draw me in just so I will draw for them for free as an “enamored fan” and not as a commission. If you don’t believe that this happens or that there is a difference, just wait, and one day you will see the signs. Trust me, I hate 90% of all stories, and even if you came up with the next Da Vinci Code or whatever people like these days, and I fell absolutely in love with it… I would still charge you.

Then I recently had another who ordered a commission just to try and force me to be friends with them because they had given me an amount of money, and then they threw a hissy fit when I just wanted to do their artwork for them without talking uncomfortably about details of my personal life and sexuality and would not draw more than what they paid for. Prorated refund. No one should have to deal with that.

Back when my skill level was much, much worse, I had very nice interactions with commissioners. No one tried to take advantage of me, and when there were bugs and edits to be fixed, we got through it no problem. Most of the people I work with on and off dA are still great to work with, but it’s only now that these other types are slipping in. Maybe it was just overdue…

TL;DR: One day, if not already, some commissioners are going to try to take advantage of you. You don’t have to take that kind of crap. Avoid them if you see the signs early and just decline, and always have a clear TOS with refund policy in place if you discover this is not a person you want to work with.

tags » submission · worries · fears · attitude · deviantart ·
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Huskies

What is up with all of these drawings of large/wide-girthed/fat versions of characters I keep seeing in DA? Like i’d see Kill la kill, Sonic, Mario …etc  characters being drawn all husky. Nothing against husky people ofcourse, but I just don’t get why people in DA are drawing characters all large and in charge.

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I haven’t really started making art at a young age, honestly I have started during my late teens, after I had already sort of planned out my future a bit, so I always said “I only do art as a hobby.”

But as time went on, the wish to eventually turn this into my means of making a living increased, however I feel as if changing plans and throwing away all the work of the past years for my previous career plans seems… regrettable. (I am going to be studying biology at uni soon)

However I believe that, if I have the potential to turn this into a legit career, it will happen when the time comes and when I am ready. With everyone saying “artists end up starving and poor”, perhaps this might be the secure way to go, first securing a different job and doing art on the side, so that I still have something to do if my art ambitions don’t work out so well.

What do you all think? Is it a dumb idea to be doing this?

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shitty art is mine i apologize (the background was super smudgy so i cut it out and now there are hard lines everywhere). 

I have a personal issue with paranoia. i cannot stop thinking that this group of artists is following me around, so i sometimes look at their work and it confirms my fears in the weirdest of ways. it has only been one artist lately but it used to be a lot worse because i forced myself to blacklist their urls (its a program on google chrome called blocksite that prevents certain websites from showing up you type in the url) but there is no such thing for firefox but i really havent look at anyone’s work. And it goes against my values because i elicitly told myself that its like the same thing, but the only reason i look at their work is to see if they’re looking at my work and it becomes this extremely vicious cycle

and it is the littleist things they’ll do. they’ll take a color theme. they’ll take an animal or symbol that i have incorporated into aliases of mine. and i don’t really “own” them, so i feel stupid for feeling so possessive. but they’re something that i encorporated into a symbol to brand myself, and someone going out of their way to do the same thing feels gross to me and i can’t put my finger as to why it is. it’s not because i think i own the color lime green-i know i don’t. i know it’s completely irrational. 

I also know i can’t control who watches my work. and if they were just bums on the street i wouldn’t be so angry but they were associated with this one artist who always made me feel like garbage about my work. i met her in a really old group on deviantart. i wasn’t terrible but i was pretty mediocre. and i know that when i was like 18-20 i was pretty mediocre (fuck it i still am) but god i did absolutely nothing to her and she was an absolute snob to me. and i always tried hard to improve my work. digital took a really long time for me to learn and if i didn’t encounter all these microaggressions, her viewing my work and her little circle of porny nsfw friends looking at my work wouldn’t make me want to vomit my stomach out. I can’t even say that jealousy was her motive. 

it’s just plain “lets laugh about how mediocre this person is and beat them down and take all their symbols of self-identity away from them”. i remember one of them took lab rats away and turned it into something really disgusting-they made it into this thing where the lab rat was on some ‘chemical high’ because people tested cosmetics on it

and i did lab rats because i went through serious ABA (applied behavioral analysis) when i was really young (it started in october 1994) and it was a way to reclaim the way that I was treated and how I felt growing up and how I felt like a mismatch in my autistic identity (with some people telling me that I had, quote on quote “self diagnosed bawwwtism” i could pass for allistic so well -or autism isn’t real if you aren’t a vegetable to these allistic people types- while other people in school classes and even mental hospitals armchair diagnosed me with aspergers) 

that wasn’t funny to me-the cosmetic thing. 

I don’t want to be someone’s weird-al yankovich type muse. I am so sick of being paranoid and thinking that everything is in my head. I know I can make it go away if i just don’t look over my shoulder angrily but at the same time it feels like I was a joke even being convinced to make a deviantart account in the first place (thanks, “buddy”) and it just weighs on me. 

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Recently, I’ve been going to an art class because my mom would like me to prepare a portfolio as a supplement. In my first week, I painted a picture of my friend, and it was going great — until i butchered it in my next class. I literally spent 6 hours and came out with a piece that was worse than I began with, and unfortunately it’s broken my spirit a little. Maybe a lot. I’m scared to tackle challenging prompts, and I’ve been at a standstill in terms of what I want to draw.

Today, after mulling over possible prompts for what I could paint, I presented a prompt I was relatively happy with and willing to draw, which was a change from my previous painting, which I had started simply because I didn’t want to do nothing and painted because it didn’t look that bad. (I didn’t enjoy it much though, tbh.)

The teacher was unimpressed, though. The art class is all about making a successful portfolio so the students can get into a successful college, so the teachers don’t hold back when they don’t think the idea is good/not interesting. When she asked what I’d put in to make it less plain, she shot down everything I suggested with the same phrase— “too boring”.

…I don’t know. After being put into a slump and finally coming up with something I was (relatively) excited to paint, getting it shot down was kind of heartbreaking. I feel inadequate, uncreative, and as much as I want to pump myself up and just paint, I find it hard to be that upbeat sometimes.

I want to be happy when I draw, but I feel like i’m being pressured to stand out when my creativity is at an all time low, and it’s hard to deal with. I still want to go to art class, but I’m scared of facing those same feelings of inadequacy every time I finish another painting and need to start a new one.

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I’m not asking to be adored, I’m just saddened and hurt that no matter which styles I try, she voices her dislike for them in an unspoken way. I wish to confront her about it, but I also don’t want to start drama. It’s been bothering me for a long time. 

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THIS.

vinesauce proves everything I (personally?) disagree with Patreon.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s beneficial to freelancers, artists and people who are in dire need of money, or have difficulties looking for work. But maybe it’s just me, tbh. I also don’t feel great thinking about taking money from people who work hard to get their cash. Commissions are fine with me, I mean…the customer and I have an understanding.

Fans will be fans, they’ll support who or what they love. But personally, I would never just take their money on a monthy/weekly basis, no matter how willing they are. It just doesn’t sit right with me. :/

tags » submission · worries · attitude ·
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